Humans are interesting creatures that no one knows exactly how to tame or explain. Society is evolving and the gap in understanding each other is expanding. There’s an elite group in particular that don’t seem to understand how monogamy or dating works.
From 18 to 30 years of age and everything in between, a lot of men and women are looking to have fun and have no strings attached. They argue that they are not looking for anything serious as an excuse to sleep with as many people as possible. They compel the innocent into being with them by using the ‘giving and taking’ technique, which means they’ll be sweet and loving until they get what they want before disappearing for a week. This behavior deeply affects the individual making them wonder, “Why am I not good enough to have a clear label?” The truth is, there’s nothing wrong. They are simply the rule and not the exception.
Of course not all people are the same but it can’t be ignored that this trend is growing and that’s due to three main facts: a lack of intimacy, fear of commitments and past experience that have traumatized the individual.
People who experience this sort of behaviour tend to blame on something that has happened to them in the past. It’s understandable, we’re all messed up in one way or another but we’re bound to end up alone if we let the demons of our past dictate our decisions. It’s an irrational thought process that is very difficult to break.
“Trauma happens in relationships, so it can only be healed in relationships. Art can’t provide healing. It can be cathartic and therapeutic but a relationship is a three-part journey” – Alanis Morissette.
A second reason why people nowadays have this problem is because of the lack of intimacy in their lives and upbringing. Psychological theories and studies agree that people who experience a lack of intimacy and affection during their upbringing, will have problems in the future. Where I live, its very common to find people who only speak to their parents once a month. Of course, it can also affect those who live at home. They don’t speak to their parents for months on end even though they live under the same roof. It’s definitely a generation and cultural thing, which parents seem to be ok with.
“Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other and sooner we learn that, the better for us all” – Erik Eriksson
Some people freak out when the person they are seeing starts talking about commitment because they think it means marriage. This is not the case! Ladies and gentleman, when an individual talks about commitment, they mean a monogamous agreement that this is not just a fling! It’s a basic attribute of human interaction. We want to feel as if our time is being well spent and that we can trust you enough to tell you our deepest thoughts while knowing that you’re not seeing a million other people.
It can be assumed that things are going to get worse before they get better, because more broken souls will begin to behave like this as a survival technique. Meanwhile, those who want to have the sort of relationships and romance that have been highlighted in books and movies, will keep asking themselves, “Why am I not good enough”? Some of us will always be rule until someone, someone who is our idea of love, enters our lives and says we’re their exception.
“But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe…it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope” – He’s Just Not That Into You.